Abstinence

What is sexual abstinence?

Sexual abstinence is a choice to refrain from sexual activity. This choice is usually made for a specific reason. The reason may be moral, religious, legal, or for health and safety.

Everyone has a different definition of sexual abstinence. The most common meaning of sexual abstinence is not having sexual intercourse, vaginal or anal. Oral sex can be considered sexual activity and would therefore be included as an activity to stop if you make the decision to be abstinent.

It is important to discuss with your partner what abstinence means to you, especially if you are developing a new relationship. A specific definition of abstinence should include the expressions of love and sexuality that are acceptable to you and those that aren't. Give your partner example of acceptable behavior: holding hands, cuddling, kissing, etc.

The choices of what is acceptable may depend on the purpose of the abstinence. Your choice of abstinence may be based on moral or ethical reasons, such as a belief that the act of intercourse should be reserved as an expression of a lifetime commitment to one person, to avoid pregnancy, or to avoid any sexually transmitted infections.

Avoiding Sexual Assault

As date rape continues to impact college campuses across the country, with 42 percent of the occurrences going unreported, here are just a few things to know about date rape and protecting yourself from being a victim or an offender.

As a Woman, You Can...

• Talk openly about sex, and keep talking as you get further into a relationship.
• Be careful not to let alcohol or other drugs decrease your ability to take care of yourself and make sensible decisions.
• Trust your gut feelings. If a place or the way a date acts make you nervous or uneasy, get out.
• Go out on a first date or a blind date with friends. Insist on going to a public place like a movie, sporting event, or restaurant. Carry money for a phone call and taxi, or take your own car.
• Don't leave a party, concert, game, or other social occasion with someone you just met or don't know well.
• Take a look at the people around you and be wary of anyone who puts you down, or tries to control how you dress or your choice of friends.
• Become an ally and educate others about rape and violence.

Tips for Safer & Smarter Sex

It is always smart to talk about sex with your partner, a peer educator or a healthcare professional before you make the decision to have sex. While sexual intercourse always involves some risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease, there are definitely ways of making your sexual experiences safer. Here are 10 simple things you can do, say and think about now before you have sex:

1. Talk smart sex first. Have smart sex later. STIs and unintended pregnancies affect both partners, not just one person. If you feel uncomfortable discussing sex and birth control with your partner, then you shouldn't be having sex. Be straightforward and talk about sex beforehand so both partners know what to expect. It's easier to be rational and reasonable before you're in the "heat of the moment."

2. Don't feel pressured to have sex. Or have sex out of fear - fear of hurting someone's feelings by saying no or fear of being the "only one" who isn't doing it. Virtually everyone wants to fit in with his or her friends, but you should never compromise your values to be "part of the crowd." If you don't want to have sex, be honest, discuss the reasons behind your decision with your partner and stay true to you.

3. Don't abuse alcohol/use drugs if you think things could get physical. Drug use or alcohol abuse interferes with decision-making, which can lead to date rape, forgetting to use contraceptives or contracting an STI. The lowering of inhibitions that often accompanies alcohol use might make you think you'll enjoy sex more, but in fact, for a variety of biochemical reasons, too much alcohol actually makes sex less enjoyable for both men and women.

4. Two are better than one. To help prevent both pregnancy and STIs, you should correctly and consistently use a birth control method like the Pill, contraceptive injection or diaphragm (for pregnancy prevention) and a condom (to prevent STIs). Condom use is essential, especially in relationships that are not monogamous. If your partner says no to contraceptives that may prevent STIs, like condoms, it's probably time to rethink your relationship. Nothing is worth the potential lifetime consequences of a few minutes of unprotected fun.

Sex Myths & Mysteries

Every campus has them…some sort of myth or mystery floating around about sex or improving your chances of scoring. Below is a sampling of amusing - and sometimes frightening - myths that have been handed down from generation to generation on campuses around the country.

• You can't get pregnant when you're menstruating. MYTH (Yes, you can!) Sometimes ovulation can actually occur before the bleeding from a woman's period has stopped. Or it may occur within a few days after her period has finished. In both of these cases, having sex before the period has finished or just after it has finished, can result in pregnancy.

• If you go to a particular bar on a particular night wearing a red T-shirt, or run through the park naked during the first full moon of the semester you'll definitely get lucky. MYSTERY (Too many variables here to even go into, the biggest of which is YOU!)

Healthy Mouth, Healthy Sex! -- Free E-Book

When was the last time you thought about your teeth? That's like asking when you last thought about your femur or your elbow.

Like breathing, teeth are an integral part of our bodies.

What many people don't understand -- or even consider -- is that the health of our teeth and mouths has a huge connection with our overall physical health -- and our sex lives!

In this new e-book, "Healthy Mouth, Healthy Sex!" I explain the connection between your oral health and your sexual well-being -- a topic not too many people talk about.

"Healthy Mouth, Healthy Sex!" is a free e-book -- absolutely no registration required. Simply click the link to download your copy.

You can find just about anything to do with sex on the Internet, but you won't find how taking care of your oral health can prolong your sexual health well into old age.

A healthy sex life: 10 reasons to make love

1. Exercise. "Sexual activity is a form of physical exercise," according to Dr. Michael Cirigliano of the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. Making love three times a week burns around 7,500 calories in a year -- the equivalent of jogging 75 miles.
2. Heavy Breathing. A night of love can raise the amount of oxygen in cells, helping to keep organs and tissues functioning at their peak.
3. Strong Bones and Muscles. "Any kind of physical exercise is going to increase testosterone," states Dr. Karen Donahey, director of the Sex and Marital Therapy Program at Chicago's Northwestern University Medical Center. Testosterone is believed to help keep men's bones and muscles strong.
4. Lowered Cholesterol. Making love regularly can lower levels of the body's total cholesterol slightly, while positively changing the ratio of good-to-bad cholesterol.
5. Pain Relief. Sex can lower levels of "arthritic pain, whiplash pain and headache pain," according to Dr. Beverly Whipple, president-elect of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Hormones that are released during sexual excitement and orgasm can elevate pain thresholds.
6. DHEA -- Without Supplements. DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), a popular supplemental hormone, is released naturally during lovemaking. "Just before orgasm and ejaculation," Crenshaw says, "DHEA spikes to levels three to five times higher than usual."
7. Prostate Protection. Researchers say prostate trouble may arise or be worsened by fluid buildup within the gland. Regular ejaculation will help wash out those fluids. Be cautious when suddenly changing frequency -- sudden changes may also trigger prostate problems.
8. Stress Relief. "Sex can be a very effective way of reducing stress levels," Donahey told Men's Health.
9. Love Will Keep Us Together. Crenshaw says affectionate touch will increase levels of oxytocin -- the "bonding hormone." Oxytocin is a desire-enhancing chemical secreted by the pituitary. Regular oxytocin release may help encourage frequent lovemaking.
10. Hormones -- Naturally. "Regular lovemaking can increase a woman's estrogen level, protect her heart and keep her vaginal tissues more supple," states Donahey.

SOURCE: Men's Health

Healthy Sexuality

What is Healthy Sex?

Sexual energy is a powerful, very natural force in our lives. But like any natural force we encounter -- be it wind, sun, rain, or our own laughter -- our sexual energy has the potential to be channeled and experienced in either destructive or life-affirming ways.

Healthy sex involves the conscious, positive expression of our sexual energy in ways that enhance self-esteem, physical health, and emotional relationship. It is mutually beneficial and harms no one.

Negative influences and problems

Unfortunately, we live in a society that constantly bombards us with images of sex that have very little to do with healthy sexuality. In movies, on television, in books, over the Internet, and in magazines, we are exposed to countless examples of impulsive, irresponsible, uncaring sex. People are treated as sex objects and sex is often portrayed as a form of power and control over another person. It’s no wonder that many of us have experienced some tragic consequences of poorly channeled sexual energy, such as sexual abuse, sexual addiction, porn problems, sexual exploitation, sexually transmitted disease, unwanted pregnancy, and/or chronic sexual unhappiness.

The number of people harmed by sexual experiences is staggering. Studies in the United States reveal that:
1 in 3 females are sexually abused in childhood.
1 in 5-7 males are sexually abused in childhood.
1 in 4 women are raped sometime in their lifetime.
1 in 2 sexually active people will contract a sexually transmitted disease by twenty-five years of age.
1 in 4 people suffer from a sexually transmitted disease sometime in their lives.
1 in 3 women have at least one abortion by the time they are forty-five years of age.
1 in 7-10 people develop a sexual addiction.
1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 men report that sex gives them no pleasure.

What’s been missing

Most of the sex education available in the world today, focuses on reproduction, birth control and disease prevention. While this is important information, it stops short of helping us learn what we need to know to prevent sexual abuse, addiction, and dissatisfaction. In addition, many of us need new information to overcome problems caused by past sexual hurts so that we can go on to experience healthy and deeply satisfying sexual intimacy with a partner.

As sex and relationship therapists, we speak with many people who have trouble conceptualizing healthy sexuality. They want to know: “How does healthy sex differ from sexual abuse?”, “How does healthy sex differ from sexual addiction?”, and “What are the conditions necessary to ensure that the sex I’m experiencing is good for me and for my sexual partner?”